Back to plan "A"

So I struggled with whether or not to share this but figure there's others who have been through something similar and can relate and others who may go through this in the future...

I've been asked by a lot of our friends and family if we plan on having more children. This is a tough one. I always imagined my life with having two children. P.J. has always said he only wanted one. No biggie, we figured we'd just see what happened once we got to that point in our life.

Then we had Nash and once he was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis the topic of more children was brought up once again. I remember the Dr. at Children's Hospital advising us that we should really think about things before we go into another pregnancy blind. Our chances for having another child with CF would be the same, 25%. If we were to have two children with Cystic Fibrosis it would mean a high risk of them passing infections back and forth, double the clinic time, double the time spent on daily treatments etc. Our only option to ensure that we do not have another child with CF is to go through genetic testing and IVF. When we talked about it we decided that for us, having Nash was enough and that we didn't want to go through IVF or adoption. We've been blessed with an amazing little boy and we want to be able to spend all of our time and energy on him. I was a bit sad to think that we wouldn't have any more children but knew that for us, it was the right decision.

Well, then we recently found out we were pregnant. We were definitely thrown for a loop! Since meeting other CF parents I have learned that there is a test, a CVS, that can be done to determine whether or not the baby would have CF. This test would have to be done around 11-13 weeks into pregnancy and for us it would be a way to mentally prepare for what was to come. Our CF clinic arranged for us to go the Fetal Medicine Clinic to learn more and discuss whether we wanted to go this route and do the testing.  P.J. and I would have to have bloodwork done prior in order to determine which types of CF mutations we carry so that know what they are looking for. Our appointment was scheduled for today so that if we did want to proceed, we could have the bloodwork done in time to have the CVS test done.

On Sunday, I knew something was wrong. By Monday morning we went to Urgent Care and suspected that I had suffered a miscarriage. After three days of bloodwork and an ultrasound our suspicions were confirmed as I received the call last night. So here we are within a short period of time from going to finding out and being in panic mode, "Two kids in cribs and diapers!", to wrapping our head around it, "Ok, so it'll be great to have two kids so close in age", to being excited about what's to come, and then to being sad. While I know that it would not have been ideal timing, and we only knew for a short time that we were even pregnant, it still sucks.

So where does that leave things now, back to plan "A" I guess. Nash is our boy, he's perfect and we are happy and I have a new job to keep me busy! But if I seem a bit "off" over the next little while you'll know why. It's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster these last few weeks.