My boy is HUGE!

So I just realized that it's been just over three weeks since I last posted! Time sure flies by! I'm in New Brunswick right now visiting family and it seems like I've blinked and our visit is almost over.

As for Nash, we went to Clinic on the 13th of June and I was blown away by his continued weight gain. In my head I was hoping for him to be at lease 17 pounds and when he was weighed he was 17 pounds, 7 ounces! He has jumped from the 10th percentile to the 25th for his weight and in the days since I think he has only continued to pack on the pounds. I can honestly say that my "obsession" with his weight is no longer an issue (at this time) as everyone who sees him can't believe how "thick" he is. I will continue to be curious of his weight but I'm no longer worried about it. We were at the mall the other day and I decided just to carry him from the foodcourt to one store and my arms were tired!

My huge boy at almost 8 months old

With added weight gain also means his super cute 6-month Carter's summer clothes no longer fit. I bought him these outfits back when we got a hot spell and he's now busting out of everything I got him. He should now be starting to fit into all the clothes that his Nana W. has been sending him from Newfoundland.

Nash hasn't had to be put on any more medications but we have had to increase his enzymes. We have been changing an awful lot of diapers lately so at our last clinic appointment they told us we just needed to tweek something a bit so to increase his enzymes to one and a half per feed and see what happens. After a week we still didn't notice a difference so we were told we could go up to two per feed. When I was packing for our trip it kind of hit me how many pills he takes. In a container there are 100 pills so when it comes down to it, he goes through 100 pills in ten days. That's a lot for an 8-month-old baby and it breaks my heart to think about all the different medications he'll have to take as he gets older.

The following day I was leaving for NB so with a 13+ hr travel day it was nice to not have to change so many diapers! I thought things were going to be better in that regard but since I've been in NB not so much, I'm talking 6-7 poopy diaper changes in one day! I'm not sure what the difference could be so I called and they have made note of it and we'll see what happens in the next week or so.

He has been so happy and has adjusted well to the time change and sleeping in a playpen. He's got the napping thing all figured out and I hope that his routines haven't been thrown off too much. Once we fly back we are only in Calgary for three days and then we're off to Edmonton for 6 days so hope he does as well there as he has here!

Maybe it's just me...

So in response to my last post about the advertising that is done for Cystic Fibrosis, I guess I'm alone in thinking that it could be done another way. I never underestimated the power of advertising for such an important cause or wanted to downplay the severity of Cystic Fibrosis.  I'm not against raising funds for Cystic Fibrosis Canada to use for advertising, I just personally don't like the ads. I guess to put things in perspective, I don't even watch the news as I find to too depressing so maybe I just like to block things out.

The consensus from the few parents of children with CF that I heard back from in regards to my post is that it those ads help the ones we love, they're all for it. My personal opinion, is that those who donate, do so because they have some connection to CF. Whether it be sixth-degree-of-separation or a close connection. Very few individuals or companies just start researching charities to donate to so I still feel that these ads could be done in a different way and continue to generate awareness and funds.

Cystic Fibrosis is one of those diseases where most of what is going on is on the inside and therefore people don't realize that yes, it is a fatal disease. They don't "see" the hours spent on chest therapy, the medications etc. that it takes to keep them alive. I however, chose to live life day to day and not think about the what if's. Maybe that's because we're so new to this and he's been healthy but when I saw the ad for the bike ride and it stated that half of those who died with Cystic Fibrosis were under the age of 25 it felt to me like they were telling me that my child has a 50/50 chance of surviving to the age of 25. So yeah, I was mad. The statistic that they are referring to I have learned is correct, but I guess the reason why I haven't heard this before is that with detecting CF on the newborn screen and starting medications and treatments so early, hopefully, this statistic will change dramatically over the coming years.

I respect other people's opinions and hope that no one ever feels like they are going to offend me by sharing their thoughts and opinions with me. The only time I will take offence is if someone tries to tell me that my "opinion" is wrong and that their's is right or try to shove their opinion down my throat. As I said, we are only seven months into this journey and I'm sure my opinions about certain things will change over time but I hope that I never get so scared that all I focus on is the what if's and that I continue to cherish every single day that I get to spend with my amazing little boy.

Cystic Fibrosis Commercials

So yesterday we were driving and P.J. asked me if I had seen the commercial for the bike ride from Vancouver to Banff in support of Cystic Fibrosis. After telling him that, no, I hadn't seen it he continued to tell me about it, getting mad as he described it and told me that I shouldn't watch it. This then sparked a conversation about advertising that is done for Cystic Fibrosis and how they tend to say things that make Cystic Fibrosis look and sound so doom and gloom. Yes, I know that Cystic Fibrosis is a fatal disease, yes I know sympathy = money but when I see this type of advertising, it feels somewhat misleading I guess from what we have been told from our CF team here in Alberta. He (and now myself as well) feel like either we're being fed the wrong information or the advertising spins the facts in a way that will generate more sympathy and in turn, funds raised. Here is the link to the commercial for the bike ride:
Link for "gearup4cf"


In this commercial it emphasizes that HALF of all Cystic Fibrosis patients die before the age of 25! Pardon my French but WTF! As I have said time and time again, yes, I'm a bit naive about things when it comes to CF but I've never heard this before! Is this true and no one is flat out telling me?!? For P.J. to get so heated about it I could tell that he was really upset. I told him that as parents of children with CF we have the right to voice our opinions to the CF community, including our local chapter, as well as CF Canada in Toronto. I told him he should write a letter and he said he planned on it. For P.J. to write a letter to voice his concern about this, it's a big deal.


And yes, don't get me wrong, I know this is a "fatal genetic disease" but I just don't think that the advertising needs to solely focus on the negative...that's my point.  And if the above statement of half of CF patients dying before the age of 25 is true then why am I being fed the line of, "The average life expectancy is into the 40's, but with advances it's more like 50's-60's"?


We had a parent's night at the Children's Hospital two months ago and this exact topic came up. The current commercials with the little boy looking like he's drowning...yeah, not my favourite. Yes, I realize that if you maybe showed all the healthy, happy looking people with Cystic Fibrosis that not as much funds would be raised but could be not put the spin on it that hey, because of the funds raised this is why they are doing so well?! Wouldn't showing a child or adult in need of a double lung transplant be just as effective for getting the point across of how serious of a disease this is? The drowning commercial just seems distasteful in a way, maybe I'm crazy. Yes, you could talk about the build up on the lungs and how it is hard to breath but showing a little boy drowning and leaving that as the last thought in your mind about CF is a tough pill to swallow for me. As one mom said that night, her two-year-old son knows the words Cystic Fibrosis and that he has it. What if he watches this commercial and believes that he is going to die drowning?


I respect other people's opinions but would be curious to see how a different type of advertising campaign would affect the actual funds brought in. I've looked at the where the funds go in the annual report and very much support how they are being spent but just feel like it sucks that I don't know who has the creative mind behind the actual advertising campaigns. You just need to think about how it would be for a parent to learn that their child has this disease and all they can think about it that commercial where the child was "drowning on the inside". 

Here is a link I found in a Canadian Medical Journal so obviously I am not the only one who feels this way:
Canadian Medical Journal: Raising money for cystic fibrosis: At what price?

We ended the conversation with P.J. making the point about how we have started to do our part by raising funds and awareness about Cystic Fibrosis but is this money going towards this type of advertising? I would love to hear people's responses to this, especially other parents of children with Cystic Fibrosis. You you don't want to respond by leaving a comment feel free to email me directly. Now I'm going to have a glass of wine. *And I can without guilt as I'm no longer nursing:)

That hump we're been trying to get over, well, we skipped it altogether!

So for a very, very long time we've been hovering around the 14 pound mark with Nash and just hoping something would change to allow for him to gain weight. Yes, I became obsessed and yes, it was hard to think about the fact that I should stop nursing and switch to formula. Well, from two weeks ago my plan of weaning him over a period of 6 weeks went completely out the window. Basically the first day I stopped one feed I got a pain and worried that it might be something more than just being sore. I called the Breastfeeding Clinic and booked an appointment for few days later.

I started to feel better before I had the appointment but still went and when she checked she said everything seemed to be ok but if I was to develop a fever than it could be Mastitis, a breast infection that would require antibiotics.  That was Friday and by Monday I felt like I had been hit by a truck.  After calling Health Link I was advised to go to Urgent Care which luckily for me is very close to my house. Once there sure enough I was diagnosed with Mastitis and put on Tylenol 3's, as well as antibiotics and booked for an ultrasound for the next day to check to see if there was an abscess which if present would require surgical draining. Awesome...well, Nash was so good for me over the days that followed, but the ultrasound report was unclear so I spent more quality time at Urgent Care. It happens to be in the same building as where you can weigh the babies but since that scale and the one at Children's Hospital are different I resisted the urge to weigh him. That was the first thing P.J. asked when he came home that night was if I had weighed him and I proudly said no!

No surgery was required but with being on medications I decided to "pump and dump" my milk and Nash went straight to being a formula-fed baby. I was a bit disappointed but honestly, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. I now know exactly what his intake is and hoped to see weight gain at our appointment this past Wednesday. Well, that 15 pound hump, we jumped over it! Well, pretty much. He went from weeks of no weight gain only to go from 14 pounds, 10 ounces to 15 pounds, 13 ounces! I was so relieved! I can't believe how much he eats! He honestly has a bottomless pit and I hope when we go back in two weeks to see a continued improvement! I feel like I can let go a bit of this obsession as I see that he is healthy and I know that he's not that far off the mark when it comes to his weight. I was just stressed as it had been so long since I had seen much of a difference and he had previously been gaining so well.

In regards to no longer nursing, I have to say I feel like a whole new person. The combination of losing weight, being sick and stopping nursing all at once will do that quick, and just that stress gone! I don't feel as tied down, I can easily feed him in public, I'm not as worried about what I'm eating, the list goes on and on. Yes, I know all the benefits of breastfeeding and I'm glad that I stuck with if for almost 7 months but I'm pretty happy that things worked out the way they did and my 6 week plan went out the window!

Great Strides Walk

Sunday was our first "Great Strides Walk" for Cystic Fibrosis. I had hoped to be able to wake up, have an easy morning and head there in plenty of time for the walk. Well in true fashion with having a baby, that did not happen, and it ended up being a stressful start to the day. I hate being late but it never fails, just as I'm about to leave, there needs to be a diaper change! And then looking at the weather it was a last minute scramble to get everything ready to be prepared for a typical Calgary day, rain, snow who knows!  We had been out late the night before so were dragging to begin with but man, it was just one of those mornings.

As the donations continued to come in that morning I was overcome with gratitude for all the support we've received. When we arrived at the walk, I once again was overcome with emotions as I saw our friends there bundled up in the cold to support us as we did the walk. The rain held off and we were able to enjoy our day but it does make you think more about the whole CF thing. Realizing that all those people there are either going through the same thing as you or know someone who is.

Thank you so much to everyone on our team who fund-raised, to those who donated and those that came and walked with us! It's been a long seven months and having the support for our friends and family has meant so much to us. In regards to funds raised, the final tally for our team "Ca$h for Nash" was $5,440!

Our team, "Ca$h for Nash"

I look forward to doing this walk annually and appreciate that the funds raised go towards helping our little boy, our family and all the families affected by Cystic Fibrosis across Canada.

The scale at Children's Hospital is broken. It has to be!

So this week was a full clinic visit. P.J. wasn't able to go with me so off I went, optimistic that all was well. We went Tuesday as there is one doctor on the CF team that only works Tuesdays so we've never met her as we always go on Wednesdays. We met with two different doctors and both emphasized how great he looks, but that damn scale!! I seriously think it's broken!!! We were there a couple of weeks ago and he was 14 pounds, 10 ounces and then at his six-month shots, on a different scale, he was 14 pounds, 15 ounces. I know that I shouldn't be comparing with different scales but it really does feel like a kick in the teeth when I go back to Children's Hospital and he's only 14 pounds, 10 ounces weeks later.

I know he didn't lose weight, but his gain is basically nothing. So after him eating solids, nursing as often as every two hours some days, thinking he's feeling heavier and then that...it sucks. So what now? Well, after breast feeding for six and a half months and that being what was considered "best" for him, it's no longer what is best. The doctor as me if I enjoyed nursing and my response, "no". I know some mothers love it and feel that connection with their child etc. but for me, it's been the toughest thing I've ever done and it really is draining. It's also stressful to not know how much he is eating and worrying that it's not enough. They also upped his enzyme dose and we'll see if all things combined help with his weight.

It's also hard to feel so attached/trapped, not sure what the best word is. I quit playing soccer partly because it's so hard to do anything without him. When he eats every 2-3 hrs and nursing you're always thinking, I have to quickly do this and get home before he needs to eat again.  You get the text saying, "He's eaten everything in the house and is screaming his head off, now what?" When I go out and others are just giving their child a bottle and I have to dig out my little cup of applesauce, give him his enzymes, find a spot to nurse, try to hold him up under a nursing cover, etc. etc., it's everything I dream to just be able to give him a bottle. And the day that I can pour him a cup of milk and hand it to him, wow, that'll be a great day! My instinct for the past two weeks has been to start to introduce formula and so I don't know why it came as such a shock to me that they would suggest it and the emotions that followed. In a way it feels like I "failed" but after coming home and having a day to get over it I'm feeling better about the situation. 

Our CF team social worker asked me if I was "obsessed" with his weight. I didn't really need to hesitate to respond that yes, I guess I am. A few friends have also asked why I'm so concerned with his weight. I'm not really sure of how to answer. I guess one reason is that I feel like yes, he's perfectly healthy now but if he were to get sick, he doesn't really have much to lose. I never really took into consideration that that's when would admit him and make sure that doesn't happen. It's also tough because he was gaining so much so quickly, and then not just slowed down but pretty much stopped, you think about what you are doing wrong as the one person responsible for feeding him. So now the weaning has begun. My plan is to drop one feed a week and have him weaned in six weeks time. That'll be good timing as we'll be off to New Brunswick and then once back will be going to Edmonton for a week to work. 

Thanks to my friends and family who have listened to me moan and groan about the whole "weight issue" for so long and hopefully we'll see a change in the coming weeks. And thanks to my friends (JT) who are always quick to point out babies around the same age who would also be considered small for their age. I know that he is healthy and happy and I'll try not to obsess so much about the stupid scale. 

The big move

It's been over a week since I've updated so here's the scoop, we moved Nash into his own room! In Alberta they recommend having babies in the same room as the parents until 6 months of age. We've had Nash in his crib in our room and I must say I've really enjoyed having him there. When he cries I can quickly tend to him and for the most part, he's been a great sleeper. My parents were here visiting two weeks ago and I said that after they left I would move him into his own room. Well they left and with hesitation, I asked P.J. to move the crib. He asked me more than once if I was ready and my response was, "No, but if I don't do it now it'll only get harder to do so". So, we moved his crib on Saturday and that first night I was a bit sad. I was the one with separation anxiety! But, he's been great in there and now we just have to work on getting him to bed a bit earlier in the evening. I just feel like it's so hard to fit everything in during the day. By the time I get him to bed, throw laundry in, wash bottles etc. it's time for bed for me as well so I really don't have any "down time".

6 Months Old!

Our days are busy with the library program, swimming lessons, walks at the park and trips to the Zoo. I just feel like when I go back to work I don't want to look back at what I did with him and regret not taking advantage of being off and enjoying doing things with friends and their children.

Nash and his buddies Mason and Cian at the Zoo

Heading out to Fish Creek Park for a walk

Speaking of work, I worked a half-day while my parents were here. I figured it would be as good time as any to test it out and get my feet wet again. It was a great afternoon but it sure was a lot of work to get everything ready to leave him for just a quick afternoon. I'll be working again next week, another half day, and hope to know what's going on for work next year in the coming weeks. This means, looking at child care for Nash. 

Child care has been a HUGE concern of mine. How can I possibly leave him with someone else?!?! But, as P.J. says, "Everyone in the world has to do it!" Well, no, they don't but yes, I do...I know that but just feel like he's so little who is going to give him the best care imaginable. So, I've been doing research on nannies, dayhomes, public child care facilities and it's all very overwhelming. It's also hard to look for child care when you don't really know what you are looking for. With not having a position to go back to I won't know if I'm looking for part-time, full-time, location etc. 

I'm leaning toward the Edleun Learning Centres so if anyone has any feedback on these centres please fill me in! I've heard good things and I hope to tour one of the facilities later this week or next.